Less Than

So, just to weed out the truly uninterested: social commentary, Hindi Film Industry (aka Bollywood) style. Power to the women and women of power!



Okay, for those who are left, interesting title, hmm? Less than; in mathematical terms, it implies an opposite that is greater than. Greater than; so many uses: there is a power greater than I, this piece of cheesecake is greater than the last...so cheery and optimistic. Unfortunately, in terms of feelings rather than descriptions, less than seems to be a permanent state of mind these days. There are so many things I hope to accomplish; they used to seem entirely feasible (sp?). Now, I seem to lack the confidence to ensure myself that I did, indeed, remember to wear pants to work on any given day.

This confidence that I so lack, that I used to possess in untapped quantities; some of the things it has helped me accomplish include marriage to a wonderful man, at a seeminly "young" age; buying a house; having a son; switching jobs; and presenting myself every day as a strong, fearless woman. The only confidence I gain on a daily basis these days is the confidence in my acting abilities. If it werent for horrific stage fright, I have been told that presentation (in acting, dance, and other forms of creative arts) would be a strong area for me to persue. Now, I persue it daily; I have confidence that I am the only one who knows how truly less than I am feeling. I am confident that my smile seems genuine and my belly-laughs heart-felt. I am confident that my hope for improvement and strength in people comes across as nothing less. I am confident that my perceived confidence is taken for nothing less. Even those who know me well almost never question this confidence. And I am confident that it will present as nothing less than...no matter how much I am feeling less than. Today, acting is my business, and business is good.